The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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