Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
