I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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