when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
the raccoons are back...
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