I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize