so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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