I skipped work to stalk him.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
