ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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