Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
