I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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