i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
