im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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