i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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