he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
His hands were made for my vagina.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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