there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
