the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
