we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
