so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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