in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
