You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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