You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We got so high we made milksteak
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm both gender and math confused
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
