she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
