All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
