I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
