Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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