I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
