even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
