If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
