eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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