she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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