If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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