Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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