arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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