I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
