I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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