I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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