I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
