Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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