It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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