i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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