Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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