i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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