the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
