God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
