Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my liver is dry heaving
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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