I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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