just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
