if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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