Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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