The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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