Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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