You're completely useless in the revolution.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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