Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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