Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
