i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We smell like vodka and hangover
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