just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
