I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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