He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
