Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
