Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
