she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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