Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize