You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
