Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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