In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
