I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
