sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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