Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
