We need to rekindle our bromance
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
