so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
