absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
