i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
