she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
